Giving up too soon and/or getting ahead of yourself.
Giving up too soon and getting ahead of yourself are the two main ways in which women who are dating without expert support derail themselves.
By giving up too soon or getting ahead of yourself, you will not achieve results as quickly as you would if you follow my system to the letter.
Or get them eventually, but only after you have spent years struggling and getting your heart broken by men who do not want to commit.
With Upshot Dating™, it will not be this way. As the name implies, my Signature System always starts with a woman defining her upshot.
We do that before she even sets foot in the dating scene.
Once you have your goal, you can reverse-engineer the steps to achieve it.
One of the reasons my clients who follow my system move forward quickly and progress from A to B, where B stands for being engaged with good men, is that they can see if they are still on track or have veered off it.
Giving up too soon and getting ahead of yourself are two things that can get you off track.
Masha and Malina are two current private clients. I consulted them a few days ago and will share parts of their journey here.
I will use Malina’s example to show you how to avoid getting ahead of yourself, and Masha’s example to show you how not to give up too soon.
Here is what getting ahead of yourself looks like.
Malina, client example.
Upshot. I want an expensive engagement ring. Celebrate my wedding by the beach and a legal marriage. I am also quite traditional, so I want to have this official commitment before I move in or sleep with a man. Being a girlfriend alone does not work for me.
We reverse-engineered the steps and began the inner work and consultation. Malina became an Online Dating Queen, began making the extra effort, learned about feminine energy and started attracting several good men she dates. Success.✅
A few months into this, Malina met a man she liked. They started dating intensely, and he called her every day. I could tell by how she lit up when telling me about him that this made her feel very good.
Malina’s mother will visit her, and she told me he wants to meet her mother, too.
To Malina, meeting the parents means things are very serious, and she said she only does it once when she gets engaged.
Yet, Malina almost agreed to him meeting her mother because it felt good at that moment.
Here is a summary of what I told Malina during our private session.
Changing your long-term plan because something feels good in the moment is a very common way of getting ahead of yourself in dating.
It could also be sleeping with a man early on because it feels good, and there is a lot of chemistry.
While Malina did not get physically intimate, she was emotionally and energetically committed to this man.
I reminded Malina: “Not meeting the parents until it was decided this was serious and leading to the wedding was a choice you made before he was in the picture”.
“As your consultant, I now have to remind you of this and ask you to prioritise your commitment to yourself and your goal over how he makes you feel right now”.
“Do not throw your plans overboard and lower the bar for him before he has one all the way for you”.
“He said he is daydreaming about a future with you and is ready to go all the way for you. Let him show you how he does it”.
And here is what Malina did next.
Reminded of her status as a single woman.
You are single until you are engaged.
Malina continued enjoying the dating process, and even though he had become her favourite, she continued seeing other men and accepted more dates.
He knows Malina is dating others and that she still maintains her online dating profiles.
The next time he mentioned meeting her mother, Malina warmly and gracefully shared that she would love that.
Yet for her, introducing a man to her mother is something she will do once she is engaged to him.
I will keep you posted. This woman will be engaged soon, possibly to this man; if not, there will be another, even better man.
Edit: he proposed to Malina a few months later. He told her how her boundaries and values made him want her even more.
Another fundamental concept of Upshot Dating™ that a Modern Queen practices is not giving up too soon.
Getting ahead of yourself is one extreme, and giving up too soon is the other.
Similar to getting ahead of yourself, giving up too soon is also often due to intense feelings.
I had a client who had lost seven years of her life before she began working with me.
Whenever she had a negative experience online or a date said something stupid, she would quit dating for several months.
She put her love life on hold because a random man said something stupid or was even just clueless without bad intentions.
It is hard for me to see women give away the power over their lives that way.
It really does not have to be this way. You do not need to give up on love and finding the right man because something feels bad on the way there.
Solutions, advice, and support exist for these issues. That is what I am and other experts are here for.
Here is what not giving up looks like.
Masha, client example.
Masha was excited about going out on a date with a man she kept texting back and forth with. She thought about what to wear and felt all girly—until he sent her an inappropriate message that burst that bubble, and Masha felt discouraged and confused.
I felt with her when she contacted me; we worked through it together, and she cancelled the date. The same night, Masha went out with her friends and was asked for her number by a different man.
You can read more about Masha’s situation and her mastery of it here.
How to respond to sexual texts in early dating? Masha’s question.
A Modern Queen and her feelings.
Both giving up and getting ahead of yourself are due to intense emotions.
A Modern Queen, by definition, is very good at dealing with her feelings. She feels them and knows how to handle them.
She neither stuffs them down nor lets them control or make decisions for her.
Needless to say, this woman is magnetic and easily the Queen of his Heart.
To you, staying on your track,
Anina
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