For some of you, these nine signs may seem self-evident, while for others, this may be new. Please note that many of the most educated women I have consulted were unaware of any of these. Self-value and healthy relationship skills are not something we are taught in school. At best, we were lucky and had good role models. The good thing about that is, you, as the smart woman you are, can now just learn the skills it takes to create the lovelife of your dreams. 

Here are nine signs that he does not value you and/or isn’t a good choice to build a relationship with.

Sign # 1: He does not accept your No for an answer.

Instead, he throws a temper tantrum, gets emotional or simply tries to push your boundaries. Here are some real-life client examples. 

• He sulks and is insulted if you don’t want to kiss him on a first date.  

• Calls you boring and no fun if you are not comfortable drinking alcohol or trying other things. 

• If you want to wait with sex, because you are looking for a man to build a relationship with. He teases you as old-fashioned and tells you you are frigid.

• He makes you feel guilty for not taking the train to come and meet him, and tells you about all the things he did for you. 

There is nothing wrong with your boundaries; these are just indicators that the man is not a match for you. To learn everything you need to know about boundaries. My self-study program, Boundary Builder, will be made for you.  

Sign # 2: He makes excuses for things that are in his control.

Either about why he had to cheat on an ex, because she is such a cruel and evil witch. Or why he got fired, because everyone at work is incapable. I can not help but laugh a little while I write that. He is the victim, basically. 

You want to look for a man who can admit that he made a mistake, owns it and is man enough to learn from it. That is a quality to have in a partner and a father to your children. 

Early on in dating, you will see that this type of man may not intuitively understand you, but he will listen when you express yourself. And make an effort to solve problems. 

Sign # 3: He belittles and criticises you. 

This leaves you feeling not good enough, and whatever you do is not enough. This type of treatment from a man will resonate with you if you already hold that belief subconsciously. 

I have consulted many women who were brought up this way. The man can be a reflection of that. 

Your role in love is to be cherished and loved by a man. Sure, you are not perfect, and you do not have to be. Taking responsibility for yourself and committing to inner work, like a grown-up woman does, is enough. And that is a big difference from being constantly put down and feeling inadequate. 

You want to look for a man who is smitten by you and encouraging, and who finds your little imperfections sweet. 

Sign # 4: He is not interested in connecting with you as a person. 

He may want to get close to you quickly and sleep with you. But if you are honest, you have that nagging feeling that this is not about you. 

He is not interested in spending time with you. Nor in connecting to you and getting to know you. He has no idea who you are. What you like, worry about, take interest in, your dreams, you want things you want to achieve. 

Being available to this can be a sign of intimacy fears on your side. Also, many times women do not feel good enough to be more to a man than that. Inner work is the way to go here and get yourself out of this position. And of course, stop seeing this man. You can do so much better than that. 

Sign # 5: He is trying to control you. 

How you dress, where you go, whom you talk to and how you laugh. It should not be too attractive to other men, because he wants you to be classy and protect you. 

He also has an opinion on all your choices and expects to be involved in everything you do. Whether you can work and pursue your career after marriage or not. 

This behaviour is a clear no, and there is no justification for it. Thank G-d, today we women no longer have to put up with this level of control, so don’t. These are your choices as a free, grown-up woman.

Of course, your husband as your life partner will be involved in important decisions and your biggest supporter, which is different to a man controlling you. My husband, for example, provided for me when I was a happy housewife, and he was my biggest cheerleader when I started this business. Whether I pursue my own career or don’t, he just wants me to be happy, not control me.

Sign # 6: He is inconsistent. 

Silence in between dates, leaving you wondering if you are still on. Dating him is a roller coaster of highs and lows. The dates make you feel high on love, you could hug the world. When he is out of sight, you are confused, anxious and sad until he comes back and makes you feel on top of the world. 

Yet, many women start working hard for him and take this crappy feeling as a challenge to win him instead of a clear sign to cut him out. 

Please hear me when I say that the right man for you will not treat you this way. He will be consistent and never leave you guessing. 

Such stable I call them Type 3 Men are out there; make space for them in your life by getting rid of this inconsistent man.  

Sign # 7: He needs you to rescue or save him. 

While this may make you feel important and give you a sense of satisfaction, I strongly advise against it. It is not in your interest to set up this dynamic in your relationship. Neither emotionally nor financially. You want to look for a dynamic where the man is independent and empowered enough to be the masculine energy partner. 

Sign # 8: He gives you the silent treatment as a form of punishment.

Or plays other mind games, is passive-aggressive, etc. These are not signs of an emotionally mature masculine man. Games and manipulation tactics do not belong in the relationships I help my clients create. Please get rid of any of these tendencies in yourself so you naturally do not match with men who still have them. 

Find further reading here:

Why you can stop being passive-aggressive as a woman. 

How to deal with a passive-aggressive man. 

Sign #9: he gets angry quickly 

This can be having an extremely short fuse, intense road rage, zero patience and frequent blow-ups. And is generally not very balanced as a person. This often goes together with addictions or tendencies toward substance abuse. Please also stay away from this. 

If you are a good, kind-hearted, strong person, you need to hear this:

While some of the advice may sound cruel and cold-hearted.

In dating as a woman, you are not out here to rescue, heal or save the men you meet.

In dating, you are out to choose a man who can give you what you need. And you are supposed to stay put on your throne and let men win you. 

Love, 

Anina