The difference in approach between “if” you can find the right man or “HOW” how you find the right man greatly determines your success at love.
Here are examples from my consulting practice:
I wonder if I will ever find love or if love is even for me.
> The man for me is out there; how do I find him?
I do not know if I should just leave this marriage. It is so difficult to talk to him.
> How do I talk to him and express myself in a feminine way so that it feels easy and in flow?
When I read the Testimonials, I don’t know if such luck in love is possible for me.
> Wow, how exactly did these women do it? I want to do the same.
This applies to any other area of life as well.
I want to be in top shape, feel great in my body, and be proud of it, but I am not sure if this is possible for me.
> How do I need to eat, specifically, knowing my body and what exercise works best for me?
I like these really stylish, well-dressed women, but I wonder if I can ever look that good.
> How do I find the individual style that suits me and makes me feel great?
Being in the “if” it is even possible, frame of mind, makes you doubt your dream.
Wondering “if ” drains your energy unnecessarily.
Being in the “how” am I going to make this work frame of mind, allows you to source all your energy and put it directly into finding the way.
You will get inspired by other women and start tweaking and repeating.
I first understood this while training for marathons, long before I was a successful consultant.
Managing my mindset as an athlete has helped me create a solid toolbox for my clients.
Back then, during a training run, something in my head clicked, and that’s when I experienced the full impact of the “if” versus the “how” approach.
As long as I kept the option to quit the run open, I felt some underlying hesitation; this weakened my strength and motivation, which is, by definition, self-sabotage.
Once I visualised myself reaching the finish line and assumed it was the only possible outcome, I felt lighter and more energetic.
Now I had all my energy and focus to make the run as best as I could.
Reaching my goal was no longer a question; it was a question of exactly how.
How to manage my breathing, my energy, and decide at which part of the run I will go at which speed.
With the “HOW” mindset, the path from where I was (A) to the goal (B) was just a path to map out, a gap to fill in, and a learning experience.
In contrast to the “if” it is even possible mindset, where you lack the same certainty, and every bump in the road, each challenge or difficulty opens the door to all your doubts and the possibility of quitting.
This is draining, exhausting, and, most of all, unproductive.
So when you are dating to find the right man, please pay close attention to the state of mind you are in.
What question are you asking yourself?
Is it “if” you can achieve this or “how” you will achieve this?
Here are the steps to journal through this:
1. Define the exact outcome you desire.
What is your dream in love? What is your upshot?
2. Be really honest with yourself about where you are at.
Are you energetically flip-flopping between ‘I want it, yes, but I’m not sure if I even believe it’s possible for me’?
Or are you already settled on “HOW” this is done?
> FEEL into both options and notice the difference in your overall energy.
Which feels better? The “if” or the “HOW” approach?
3.) Decide that from now on, your only approach will be “HOW”!
And take action to find answers here:
How to find Love: Upshot-Dating™ and Online Dating Queen teach you everything you need to know and take you from single to engaged in 6 to 18 months.
Lots of Love,
Anina
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