This is a common question that many women have wondered about.

After reading this article, you will have your answers, know what to do to find an available man and also feel attracted to him. 

What is an unavailable man?

Unavailable men are: Mr already married, Mr too busy, Mr still hung up on his ex, Mr not ready to commit, Mr going through a divorce, Mr lives on a different continent, Mr only online who can not meet in person, Mr who is my long gone Ex, Mr my teacher/professor, Mr my best friend’s man, Mr who does not like me, Mr ____ fill in the blanks. 

What they all have in common.

They are not available! Either for personal reasons or due to an already existing commitment.

None of these men is willing to or able to meet you at least halfway, and build a real relationship with you. 

Why are they so attractive? 

An unavailable man feeds your need for distance, longing, dreaming and postponing a real relationship. And last but not least, he gives you a sense of control. 

Unavailable men are safe. 

When liking an unavailable man, you can imagine what this relationship would be like in your head. This keeps you safe, rather than taking the perceived risk and facing the real-life situation of having a relationship with an available man. 

Available men are not attractive because they are too real. 

With an available man, you may not feel the same longing, waiting and distance as with an unavailable man. He is much more real, and instead of having an imaginary relationship in which you get to create scenarios in your head.

This man is real in front of you and wants to approach you. 

Intimacy fears are a primary reason why we often find ourselves attracted to unavailable men.

Having a man get too close scares the hell out of the clients who get hung up on unavailable men. Falling for unavailable men is an intimacy fear in disguise. It is not bad luck, or just always falling for the wrong ones. It is your system, being wired to subconsciously look for this type of man, because everything else would be too much and too real.  

Changing this starts with a decision. 

Repeat after me:

“I am unavailable to unavailable men.” 

From now on:

“I will learn to identify the signs that a man is unavailable.” 

“I will not entertain contact with men who are already committed to other women.” 

“I will take full responsibility for my intimacy fears.”

Courage is doing what we want even though we feel scared. 

Yes, I am scared, but I am going to overcome my fears, and leave my safe space, and comfort zone in which I like unavailable men. 

I can do it, with the right support, book a call with me here, and I am going to find myself an available man whom I am also attracted to, just like many women have done before me. See Testimonials. 

Am I available myself? 

This is a very important question to ask yourself. There is a possibility that you attract unavailable men because you are unavailable yourself. 

This is based on the idea that we attract men who match our current state of emotional currency and maturity. Sounds a bit too abstract, I know.

Let’s look at two examples of private clients. It will help you see what this means. 

Camille 

Camille was always “the other woman”. She was in relationships with men who were either married or already committed to other women. She, deep down inside, did not feel good enough to have a man’s full, exclusive commitment. Camille also believed that all men cheat and that it was better to be the other woman than the boring wife who got cheated on. 

>> When Camille began to feel good enough, and worked on her mindset about men. She lost interest in married men and started dating only available men who were ready to make her their priority. 

Tamara

Was still hung up on her husband, who had passed away. She couldn’t understand why married men had the audacity to approach her. Tamara would never have an affair with a married man. It was against her values. 

We worked on finding closure and letting go of her wonderful husband, whose loss had broken Tamara’s heart. 

>> After finding closure, Tamara was ready to move on without feeling guilty. Suddenly, men who were single showed up almost out of nowhere. 

Edit: Tamara has remarried, and Camille has recently gotten engaged. 

Here are your next steps.

Take a self-assessment and write down on a piece of paper what type of unavailable man you usually fall for. 

Be kind but firm with yourself and explore what inner work you need to do. The example of my two clients can give you hints.

– Do you feel good enough to be seen and wanted and claimed as the one and only woman by a man?

– What feelings come up when you picture an available man approaching you?

– Is there a man in your past whom you need to let go of?

Summary

When you decide to be unavailable to unavailable men, and instead take responsibility for whatever you need to work on, your vibe will change, and this will attract different men to you. 

Be prepared for results,

Anina xoxo

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