Nothing communicates your value in early dating as clearly as healthy, solid boundaries do. And nothing enables you to understand if he is the right man for you than having solid boundaries.
For my definition of boundaries versus walls, read my article here.
In this article, I will give concrete and applicable examples of how the Modern Queen, my client Archetype, presents in dating and implements healthy boundaries.
Having these healthy boundaries enhances a man’s attraction for you. It simultaneously acts as a protective shield, stopping the wrong people from taking up too much of your precious time, emotions and energy.
Drawing these boundaries helps you take the dating process slow, on your terms and gives you the space and time needed to evaluate if this man is right for you and able to give you what you want. In other words, if he is in line with your Upshot. See Upshot-Dating™.
Here are 8 examples of common situations that come up in dating, where you need boundaries and practical ways to implement them into your dating life. Just like a Dating Queen does. See my Silver Level Self-Study Program, Dating Queen.
1.) Last-minute dates.
Why not?
When you are not playing hard to get but are hard to get, you have a full life and are not on standby for a man to ask you out last minute.
Instead, say this:
“Oh, thank you, I would love to meet, but I can’t make it on such short notice. Would you tell me earlier next time so I can make it?”
Of course, this is not set in stone and not always black and white. Read more here: Should I say yes to a last-minute date?
2.) Weekend getaway / spending an extensive amount of time together.
Why not?
Too early, too soon. He will fall in love with you when you give him the space to want more. And you need to pace it to avoid getting overly attached, before he has made up his mind about you.
Instead, say this:
“That sounds great, and I would love to keep that for later on when we know each other better.”
3.) Meeting at home/sleepovers.
Why not?
Again, too early, too much. This comes later in the dating timeline in an already established relationship when you know more about him.
Instead, say this:
“I prefer meeting men in public places outside my house, and I am not comfortable with sleepovers.”
4.) Physical intimacy
Why not?
It won’t work in your favour. You will become attached (via oxytocin), and it will cloud your judgment. Early in the dating timeline, you are supposed to evaluate a man with a clear head and see if he is right for you. Besides, I always advise women to value their bodies and not allow a man access to it without a significant investment on his side. – Investment in the form of what you are looking for in a man/relationship.
Instead, say this:
“I want to take it slow because I am looking for someone special.”
5.) Driving out to meet him.
Why not?
This is masculine energy, and it sets the wrong dynamic for the relationship.
Instead, say this:
“This doesn’t feel good to me. I love it when a man makes an effort for me. It makes me feel pursued by him.”
If he complains about having to do the basics in dating, after you have said the above script. Release him and let him find a woman who is willing to go 50/50 with him. The same goes for the point below.
6.) Splitting the bill.
Why not?
It’s not romantic. The man extends the invitation (in his masculine energy), and it is he, as the person who invited, to pay the bills, that is common courtesy.
You can say this:
“I split the bill with friends, not with men I date. I am romantic like that. Is that alright for you?”
And if he insists, of course, pay your share and stop dating him. This is not about getting a free meal, but if the energy dynamic is right, with him being in the masculine role.
7.) Meeting your inner circle, becoming part of your private life.
Why not?
Another example of too early, too soon. This is something that needs to be earned when things prove to be serious.
Especially when you are dating multiple men at the same time, following Upshot-Dating™, this can be quite confusing for your friends and family.
Instead, say this:
“I first want us to get to know each other better before I introduce you to my close friends and family.”
Many of my clients (including myself) only introduced the man to their family once he had proposed.
8.) Adding him on social media.
Why not?
My personal opinion is that social media is not real, and my consulting experience shows that the more you “connect” with him online, the less a man will ask you out, and the less chance there is that you will get to know each other in real life.
Instead, say this:
“I would like to focus on getting to know you in real life and see how that goes.”
This is where you can give your number or email address, so he can contact you directly to ask you out on a real-life date.
Remember this:
These boundaries may feel scary or counterintuitive, yet healthy, solid boundaries are the foundation of a healthy, happy romantic relationship where the man is in his pursuer role and is certain about you.
Love,
Anina
Modern Queen Mantra
The right man for me appreciates that I have boundaries. It makes him like me even more.