Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™ is a term I developed within the context of the 9 Types of Queens I work with in my consulting system and Upshot-Dating®.

Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™ describes a state in which a woman is not taking her life in general—and, from my perspective as a Clinical Psychologist, Certified Dating and Relationship Coach, her love life—into her own hands.

The characteristics of Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™ include overthinking, postponing, procrastination, indecisiveness, inaction, and blaming external circumstances.

Crucially, you can become my client only after you have decided to exit Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™. This article is written to lay out your first steps in doing so. 

Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™ is distinct from the 9 Types of Queens and the 5 Modern Queen Archetypes. It is not an archetype; it is a passive state of being that keeps you on the sidelines of your own life.

The Metaphor: Why “Maid in Waiting”?

Given that my Brand Archetype is the Modern Queen, the term “Maid in Waiting” is perfectly fitting.

Historically, a maid in waiting (or lady in waiting) is a woman who attends to and tends to another woman: the Queen. She is a sidekick in someone else’s story. I use this as a metaphor for your own life: when you are in this mode, you are treating circumstances, work, or fear as the Queen, while your own desires for love and fulfilment are forced to wait in the wings.

You are letting something else come first, while your unfulfilled dream of finding the right man remains a “one day” project.

Please bear in mind that this information is not to shame or blame you, but rather to empower you! 

Are you a Maid in Waiting? A Self-Assessment

Ask yourself these questions to determine if you are currently operating in this mode:

• Are you “waiting” for the perfect time to date?
• Are you avoiding the man you like or turning away from solving issues in your dating life?
• Have you postponed investing in your growth, even though all the information and support are available at the click of a mouse?
• Are you waiting until you “achieve” something else—a promotion, a weight goal, a house—before you feel “good enough” for love?
• Is there a coach, program, or course you have your eye on, yet you tell yourself “now is not the right time” to take action?

What Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™ Looks Like in Real Life:

• Intellectual Procrastination: You overthink men and dating, knowing everything in theory by consuming endless content online. Yet, there are no practical dates and no tangible results.
• The “Collector” Habit: You download every free guide and subscribe to every newsletter, perhaps even purchasing a program, only to half-heartedly study it without implementation.
• Over-Intellectualising: Reading complicated psychology literature or situational books on love to feel productive, while your real-life dating status remains stagnant.
• Consultation Without Commitment: Speaking to a love coach and not becoming her client—not because she isn’t the right fit, but because you are refusing to commit to the process. (If she isn’t the right coach, find another immediately; the internet is full of experts. But stop using “searching” as a way to avoid “doing”.)
• The Career Marriage: Drowning in work and being married to your career instead of creating a private life where you get to be a woman, pursued and cherished by a masculine man.
• The “Busy” Trap: Constantly being too busy for love. Ask yourself: what could be more important than close relationships? At the end of our lives, those connections are all that truly matter.
• The Motivation Falter: Starting with tons of energy, only to give up on the dream the moment you hit a “bump in the road.”

The Common Theme: “Me NOT First”

The common thread here is the idea that success in love is linear—that it must come after professional success rather than simultaneously. It is the false belief that love is conditional on you “bettering” yourself first.

THAT IS NOT MODERN QUEEN STYLE.

A Maid in Waiting is not the Queen of her Life, and she will never be the Queen of His Heart. She is serving her excuses instead of her crown.

Whereas a MODERN QUEEN CAN HAVE IT ALL! 

How to Exit the Maid-in-Waiting-Mode™: Your Next Steps

Step 1: Decide what you want: in my Signature System, we call this defining your upshot. What is your dating goal? According to my system, this is done before a woman even sets foot into the dating world. 

Step 2: Choose your investment level: The act of commitment is the literal cure for procrastination. You must choose to put yourself first.

Bronze (Free) – download the Free Guide: How to Find the Right Man Fast

Silver – purchase a self-study programme at my Boutique

Gold Level – book a 30-minute Assessment Call

Dedicated to Your Success in Love Since 2016

Anina Green | Soulmate Katalyst Ltd.

Clinical Psychologist, Certified Dating Coach, Wife, Physicist, Founder of Upshot-Dating®