We have all heard that we should say “no” and stand up for ourselves. And when thinking about it, I guess we all agree that it is the right thing to do, rather than going against ourselves and our own truth. 

Yet, in reality, when dating, and once we like a man, let me be honest ~ many confident, strong and intelligent women can find themselves struggling to say “no” at times.  

This article is to help you move from intellectually understanding and agreeing with the concept of saying “no” and getting to living and breathing saying “no” with ease, as the Modern Queen does. 

The best way to quickly do this is by looking at real-life women, my clients’ examples, which show why saying “no” makes you high value to the right man.

My client Marianna 

Marianna had men come to her place after the first and second dates, and she agreed to “Netflix and Chill” instead of going on real dates in public places. If a man she had met online lived further away, she agreed to have him stay over and felt obliged to serve lavish meals. Marianna felt she had to make it up to him, since he travelled to see her.

When Marianna became my client and began Ushot-Dating™, we discovered that this didn’t feel right to her, not even if the men would sleep on the couch.

Marianna had to work on feeling worthy of the effort of a man driving to her. And that there was nothing she needed to do to make it up to him. 

She also needed to draw a boundary around her safety, not having a man she barely knew stay in her home. 

And we established more boundaries around her time and energy. No lavish home-cooked meals, but a short first date is enough to see if you want to meet again. 

Marianne reminded herself to treat all men she dated as grown-ups who know how to arrange dates and make meeting her happen, even if they lived far away. 

As soon as she did this, it became easy for Marianne to say “No.” 

Marianna got engaged to a man who drove 200 km to her several times a month. He took her out on dates and stayed in a hotel. 

Emunah, my client. 

I regularly have clients who, either for religious or personal boundaries, do not want to kiss a man on a first date.  

Emunah, my client, decided to wait till her wedding day for physical contact. She gracefully shared that she was looking for the right man and said “No.” to shaking hands, kisses on the cheeks, hugs and any kind of physical contact. 

She found her soulmate, who greatly valued this approach. They got married after six months of getting to know each other through platonic dates, participating in activities, and meeting each other’s extended family. 

Here are some more and very common examples of women who date according to my Signature System Upshot-Dating™ say “no”  to:

• Driving out to his place.
• Inviting him on/or planning dates, vacations, dinners, …
• Sleeping with him after a few dates. 
• Stop seeing other men before they have the commitment they want. 
• Paying bills or splitting bills. 
• Meeting friends and family early on. 

Is there anything you would like to add to the list that you want to say “no” to next time you are asked?  

But I am scared to lose him over this!

Say you “lose” a man over saying no to something that is a clear no to you. 

Marianna “lost” a man she dated, because she was not letting him sleep over. This means he was not the right man for her.

By saying “no”, Marianna was able to see who her match was. 

Her fiancé appreciated Marianna’s boundaries, and his attraction for her grew.  

You will never lose the right man over saying “no”. 

Being authentic and saying no will bring the right man closer and stop the wrong men from wasting your time. 

Mature grown-up men appreciate a woman who is authentic, respects herself, has healthy boundaries, knows what she is looking for, and therefore is able to say “no”.  

Consider the cost of saying “yes” when you should say “no”.

Compromising your own integrity, not respecting boundaries for the sake of not upsetting him, is the wrong way to go.   

Saying “yes” when you do not mean it or agreeing to something even though it feels wrong is never a good way to start a relationship. 

If you think back to each time you went against the feeling of “no” and said “yes”. 

How did you feel after?

Over time, saying “yes” instead of “no” creates frustration. You might seem nice on the surface, but it is not authentic. 

He will feel that you are not happy and at ease. 

Only a man who does not have your best interests at heart will like this situation. 

Saying “no” is a sign of confidence, self-respect and integrity.

A masculine and mature man who is looking for a woman he can adore, love and respect will love you for saying “no” to things that are not right for you.

I hope this helps and gets you to be authentic and say “no” with ease. 

Xoxo Anina 

~ Dedicated to Your Success in Love Since 2017

Soulmate Katalyst Ltd.