Nadine asks: 

“Anina, I just found your website, and I have a question. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He has a best friend. She is sooooo😡 important to him, much like a sister. He lends her money and picks up the phone when she calls him at night. He is always there for her, more than for me, it seems. Sometimes he even discusses things about our relationship with her first. It feels like there are three of us in this relationship. We keep arguing about it, and he tells me to get it together, as he will not stop being friends with her.”

Cherry writes: 

“I just started dating this man, and he has a lot of female friends; his social media is flooded with them. He remains in touch with many of his ex-partners. They all parted on good terms, and he seems to be the only rooster in the yard. I’m not sure what to do; I’m not sure I like it. I felt good talking to him, and I liked the way he treated me on all our dates. But then again, he seems to be very good at that. One of his friends even commented, asking if he ever had any male friends…. When I brought it up, he just told me not to be silly about it.”

Nadine and Cherry (who were some of my first clients) are now married.

They decided to marry different men than the ones they are referring to in the messages above.

Both women used my Signature System Upshot-Dating™. 

If you are in a similar situation, please know that all I am going to say is said with love, and from a professional standpoint.

Although it may seem uncomfortable at first, my approach has helped many women navigate this situation and achieve a happy ending in love.  

Here is what I told both women, back then, in our first two weeks of working together:  

The issue I see is the back-and-forth between the two of you.

You speak up and voice your dislike as you should, well done. But pedal back the moment you get his resistance.

The longer he sees you doubt yourself this way, the less serious he will take you. 

You need to decide whether to accept these other women in his life and let it go.

Or if you will speak up, continue to speak up and stick to it.

What I do not want you to do is go back and forth between two standpoints.

One day, you tell him you don’t like something, and the next day, you try to be ok with it when he pushes back.

That is harmful to your self-value, his respect for you and also stifles the relationship you have.

Unresolved issues, as this one, will create a constant cycle of tension, make-up and back again to argue.

I help my clients build strong and drama-free romantic relationships.  

To do this, you have to ask yourself this hard question

What do I want more? 

This man and the stress he brings me because I am not comfortable with his friendships with all these other women. 

Or do I want to prioritise my peace of mind and put myself and my needs and wants first? Even if this means finding a different man who is a better match. 

Reading between the lines of your email, I can tell what your choice will be.

Here is what I advise you to do:

Depending on your choice, tell him one last time that you are not ok with this, and this time, stand your ground. 

Here is an example of how to speak to him:

“I like you very much, and I would hate for this to end and for us to part ways. But I am afraid that as long as you are this close with her/the other women, we can not build a relationship as I am looking to do.”

Keep repeating this whenever the topic comes up, and do not fall back into doubting yourself. 

My personal opinion on this.

It hurts me to see gorgeous women undervaluing themselves in such ways.

I think you can do much better than being in a drama relationship with a man who clearly shows you that he is not committed enough to you, and is not willing to go all the way. 

If you start dating my way Upshot-Dating™, issues and entanglements like this will become your past. You will be treated like the precious woman you are and get to choose the best man for you. 

I believe every woman should feel this way in dating. 

I hope this helped. 

Anina 

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