Pearl*, my client, a criminologist and researcher originally from Albania who now works and lives in Germany, got engaged. 

(*Name changed for privacy reasons to Pearl, because she loves pearls.) 

She was so kind to answer my questions so we can show you what is possible through Upshot-Dating™. 

Pearl, thank you for taking the time to do this interview. 

What was your situation like before you became my client? 

I was single, and being in a romantic relationship or finding a partner was a closed chapter. 

I thought that I was unable to be in a romantic relationship because I had been by myself for so long. 

The desire was there, deep down, but it seemed impossible to have the healthy relationship I wanted. 

How did that make you feel?

Sad, angry, alone, struggling, I did not feel supported. 

In my first conversation with you, I thought for the first time that I could change this and have the romantic relationship that I wanted. 

What does your life look like now? 

Completely different. 

It is like I went from a nightmare to a dream. 

I am living what I wished for. 

I am experiencing the romantic relationship I always wanted. 

What made you decide to start consultations with me?

I realised that I can’t make it by myself.

Self-love: When you love yourself, you request help and stop thinking you must struggle. 

When I had less self-love, I thought I needed to know and do everything myself. 

Realising that life does not have to be a struggle made the most significant difference. 

What is the most significant result you got from working with me?

The ring, of course, is the most obvious concrete result. 

But there is not only one result. 

Working with you gives you many different, smaller results, and you live a happier life. 

Every session with you made my life better.

And when you feel good, you shine and draw good things and the right men to you. 

I enjoy my life more and am happier and more satisfied with it. 

It is not that I did not have a good life before, but romantic love and feeling like a woman were missing. 

-> I can second that. I also see the difference in you. 

You are happier, calmer and more relaxed in general. 

And now, with the ring on your finger, you have the brightest smile. 

This is so nice to see. 

Another result I got is that I feel less rigid and more flexible. 

I have my boundaries and know what works for me; I trust myself to know what feels right and what does not. 

But I am not coming from a place of fear anymore. 

-> A true Modern Queen: A grown-up confident woman, deeply connected to herself, and communicates clearly and gracefully.  

Can you name two to three takeaways you got from working with me? 

To do the assignment and implement what I learned in the session. 

That is how everything changed for me.

I journal regularly. 

Read here: How to journal successfully; 4 steps. 

I stay vulnerable and do not let fear stop or shut me down. 

I am authentic and express my emotions.

I follow the steps you taught me: 

1st connect to myself.

2nd understand how I feel.

3rd choose the right moment.

4th choose my words carefully. 

This works wonders with men. 

The “bus tool” you taught me helps me the most. 

The bus tool: 

You are in the driver’s seat of your “emotion-bus”. 

All your feelings are just passengers, and you are in charge. 

None of them takes over and drives the bus unless you decide to. 

For example, Joy can drive the bus or be the co-driver. 

Fear, anger, triggers and the like need to take a backseat and can’t hijack your bus. 

What is it like to be my client?

You get results!!

I also want to say that it is good to have a smart consultant. 

You get things, I always felt you just get me. 

It is your intuition and intelligence. 

Being your client is also not easy, but I do not mean that negatively. 

You must be disciplined, prioritise this work, want it more than you fear, and leave your comfort zone. 

Even when it might feel challenging at times.

Early on in our sessions, you told me that I have to go out and date and experience dating different men.

Only by practising the tools and getting to know myself and men will I begin to feel different and see different results. 

You were right; it worked. 

But I also must say that you were always there for me. 

You are very supportive and emphasised that I was doing it right and well. 

The athlete’s example, understanding that my discipline is in question, never my ability, helped me not feel bad about myself and kept me motivated. 

Explanation: I see my clients as top athletes and know they have everything it takes to be the queen of a man’s heart. My job is to help them access and bring out the best version of themselves. 

-> This reminds me of something I always tell my clients when they feel down or discouraged. 

For example, when a woman gets a creepy message in online dating and feels like quitting, I will tell her: 

“Once you are married and happy, you will not even remember this idiot writing you this. Do not give up now; he is not worth it.” 

Can you share something about that?  

Yes, definitely. 

I was dating two different men, and I initially thought there was potential in both cases. 

But after a few months, I decided to end things. Which was not easy and both times put me in a dip of a few weeks, where I also cried and felt a bit hopeless. 

Yet, I continued to date like you get back up on the horse immediately after a fall. 

Looking back, I am so glad it did not work out and I did not stay with them, compromise, and settle for less. I would have never found the man I am with now. 

I ended things with one because I could see we were not compatible, and with the other man because he was being passive-aggressive in small doses early on and that just did not feel right. 

I trusted myself and did not compromise on my non-negotiables. 

I had a wishlist for the man and the romantic relationship I wanted. 

During this time, I also braced not to let other people’s fears or negativity influence this brave decision. 

Honestly, it was sometimes difficult to hear how people looked at me, even if unspoken. 

I knew they felt sorry for me and thought: 

“Oh, she will never get married”. 

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are not marriage material anymore because you are a certain age, for example. 

I strengthened my belief inside me, even while people on the outside suggested otherwise. 

The annoying questions at family gatherings. 

“Are you married?”

“Or when will you get married?”

I answered with either:

“I have a BF”

 or 

“Yes, once I found the right one.”

Answering this way was like a shield, to end the conversation quickly and not let the person drag me down with their negativity. 

I know they did not have bad intentions, but I wish people knew this did not feel nice for women in my position back then. 

-> You did that well, and I am still very proud of you!

What else would you like to tell a woman reading this interview? 

It is never too late to ask for help, and it is possible to find love. 

-> I agree 100%.

What would you tell her about the financial investment? 

It is worth it, every cent. 

And you do not even think about it any more. 

Even if I did not have the money, I would have taken a credit. 

-> This makes me so happy to hear!

Lastly, would you like to share something nice about him and your relationship with him? 

Yes, but first, I want to share two pieces of advice: 

Do not expect butterflies right away. 

When I met him at the train station for our first date, I saw him and thought:

“He is nice and normal”. 

Second, you advised me to see the man with other people, friends, family, and the waiter, and how he treats them. 

It will tell you more about his character and values than his words. 

Now, about him. 

He learned the proposal speech by heart so he would not forget it, all because he was nervous and anxious for me to say yes. 

He is usually very calm, masculine, and handsome. The fact that he got so stressed shows me how much this means to him, and I find it so cute.

The ring is custom-made and symbolic, relating to our dating story and relationship. 

What’s funny about that is that when we spent a long weekend together, I popped into a shop to get some pearl earrings.

I could see him and the salesperson smile at each other. 

I know now that this was the jeweller who handmade my ring, and my fiancé told him to pretend they did not know each other. 

He proposed on vacation when we were on a beautiful walk in nature. 

When he began to talk, I could feel something was going to happen, and I remembered your words:

“Rest in your feminine, hold the space, let him talk and lead.”

In other words, haha, I told myself: 

“Pearl, now is the time to shut up”. 

And then he proposed, and I was like: 

“Wow, this is happening”. 

Since then, I have been on cloud seven and keep looking at my diamond ring and marvelling at how it sparkles and shines.

He has all the qualities that I wanted in a man. 

He is there for me. 

He is normal and decent. 

Committed to me and makes me feel good. 

It is very relaxing when the man is in his masculine energy and does things for the woman. 

I am relaxed, happy and well-rested when he is around. 

You can see early on in little things whether his energy is there for you or not. 

He tells me that when I am happy and smile, he is happy, too. 

When there is an issue, he is always there immediately and wants to fix it, work it out and see me smile again. 

We laugh a lot about silly things, and being with him feels so free and happy. 

Another thing I appreciate is the mutual respect we have for each other. 

Going back to the advice I gave before. 

I got all this because I was not looking for butterflies but for values, commitment, and a man who treats me well. 

Now, I have the love of my life, my soulmate.