Are you —Ледяная королева— a Queen of Ice? I used to be a typical Queen of Ice.

I am Anina Green—clinical psychologist, certified dating and relationship coach, wife, and founder of Upshot-Dating®.

The Queen of Ice is one of the 9 Types of Queens I work with in my consulting system. (If you haven’t yet, read here: [What is a Modern Queen]—it introduces you to my Brand Archetype, designed for the modern, strong, and educated woman like you.)

Королева льда, The Ice Queen, or the Ice Princess, is beautiful, aloof, and detached. She is a cold, unapproachable, yet often powerful woman whose heart can—at first glance—seem like a block of ice.

Are You a Queen of Ice?

If you are a Queen of Ice, your dating life will likely show these specific symptoms and recurring patterns.

• The Attraction Paradox: You attract men who are “weaker” than you. When you finally dare to reveal your soft side, they fail to step up and lead, continuing to expect you to carry the load.  
• The “Player” Magnet: You attract men who see you as a trophy or a challenge to be conquered. The moment you let your guard down, they disappear—confirming your deepest fear that intimacy is unsafe.
• The Power Struggle: Your dating experiences are defined by an underlying (or openly) aggressive tone. It feels less like a partnership and more like a tactical battle.
• The Game-Play: Your relationships are an exhausting cycle of hiding, guessing, and “keeping it together.” There is no room for authentic connection and vulnerability.
• The Defensive Shield: You are terrified of being hurt again. To prevent this, you project an impenetrable strength that keeps everyone at an “ice-cold” distance.
• The Success Gap: On paper, you are the “full package.” Yet, you watch women who are less successful or attractive easily find the right man and true love.  

If these patterns feel familiar, there is a high probability that you are operating from the Queen of Ice archetype. You aren’t lacking in value; you are simply locked behind a shield that is repelling the very love you want.

Beneath the Frozen Shell: The True Story of the Queen of Ice

While she may seem cruel to the untrained eye, and keeps you wondering if her heart is really just a block of ice, to a trained professional like me—and a former Queen of Ice myself—it is ice-crystal clear: it is just her fear. All that cold, distant demeanour is simply an attempt to protect herself from getting hurt.

The Queen of Ice has been burned by men, love, and romance. It has turned her ice-cold on the surface.

But underneath her ice-cold, hard, frozen shell is a soft, delicate heart, which she is out to protect as only a lioness can.

The coaching goal for this lady is to give her the skills and confidence to keep herself safe in dating, around men, and in love, so she can let down her guard and show her soft, sensitive, warm, kind, and caring self.

Right now, as a Queen of Ice, she is doing the best she can with what she has. Being cold, aloof, and feeling frozen is her current way of coping.That is okay, but there is so much more, and you, my gorgeous Ice Queen, can do so much better.Let us get you from Queen of Ice to Modern Queen.

The Modern Queen version of you is your truest, most empowered, bravest, and most authentic self. And as the Modern Queen version of you, becoming the Queen of His Heart is easy peasy—just the cherry on top.

Melting away the ice around a Queen of Ice is one of my many specialities as a consultant. This is because I used to be a Queen of Ice myself, and it was only when I decided to allow my ice to melt that I was able to handle a man coming close and proposing.

Leading to my next point.

The Queen of Ice Problem: How it Unfolds on the Relationship Timeline

Because the sparkling icy shell is not authentic and is just a protective mechanism, it attracts the wrong type of men and creates unfavourable relationship dynamics.

When the Type 3 Man meets the Queen of Ice

The Type 3 Man is the man I advise all my clients to go for. This healthy, stable, grown-up, masculine man will not feel the appeal in this Queen of Ice shield and will lose interest in dating and getting to know her fairly quickly.

This is because, as the stable, steady masculine man he is, he looks for a woman who is warm, open, and able to receive his attention without playing games. He also respects women and does not pursue unless she indicates that she wants him to. He is neither able nor willing to read or go beyond the ice-cold, repellent shell.

Unlike this man…

When the Type 2 Man meets the Queen of Ice

The Type 2 Man, or any other man looking for a challenge or game to play, will take on dating the Queen of Ice specifically to break her or melt the ice.

This can get toxic fairly quickly. Once the Queen of Ice lets down her guard, this man will ask himself where the challenge went and withdraw quickly. This is because, like the Queen of Ice, he, too, cannot do intimacy.

When the Type 1 Man meets the Queen of Ice

Another match for the Queen of Ice is the Type 1 Man—the feminine man, or the Prince. He is looking for a strong shoulder to lean on and, at times, even cry on.

The perceived strength and coolness of the Queen of Ice are exactly what he is looking for. This makes for an upside-down relationship dynamic, with him in the feminine role and you in the masculine role.

The Queen of Ice is the Common Denominator in all three scenarios

Whenever the Queen of Ice meets either man—Type 1, 2, or 3—the common denominator is her.

Read here: The 3 Types of Men: A Guide to Ending Dating Drama

Because she has her guard up, there is a limit to how far the relationship can go in terms of real closeness and depth. It is only a question of time before the suppressed issues erupt and things get ugly or fall apart.

While the Type 3 Man, healthy and grown-up, will just leave and look for his equal—a healthy, grown-up woman who is warm and ready to build a bond with him—the man leaning toward the toxic end of the spectrum, the Type 2 Man, will happily engage in this dance of cat and mouse and the games the ice shield of this queen offers.

Not toxic, just frustrating, will be the Type 1 Man; he will not know what to do with you once you allow the ice to melt.

Keeping up your ice-cold shield will repel the Type 3 Man and attract the wrong matches: the Type 1 and Type 2 Man. 

Melting the ice will make you a match for the right man.

My proven 5 steps to melt the ice. I did this myself, long before I became a coach.

Step 1: We need to do an honest overhaul of your dating patterns. Chances are all your relationships only go as far as a certain point, and either you sabotage them or the men—because they are not the Type 3 Man—will withdraw or turn out to be the wrong match for you.

Step 2: A brave self-assessment of how you feel about men, love, and getting close. This will bring up past experiences and hurt, which allows us to heal them, make peace with whatever happened, and let go of these old stories.

Step 3: Facing your fears and deep inner work to evolve to Modern Queen. It’s easy when you have me by your side. While this feels overwhelming and scary to look at, I can assure you that while you are unique as a woman in your personality and beauty, this issue is not. It is, in fact, very common, and you are in safe, trained hands to get rid of it quickly and lead a more fulfilled and empowered life.

Step 4: The decision to melt the ice. Is ultimately yours to make. Whenever you are ready, I am here to provide the best support available. You will walk away from this experience hugely rewarded with confidence and skills, and you won’t need that icy shell anymore.

Step 5: The choice to change and to be temporarily uncomfortable. Is a key to success and a must-have for my clients to make use of the high-quality service I provide.

Complementary Ice Melting Affirmations for you:

“It is safe for me to open my heart.”

“I am able to keep myself safe when dating and around men.” 

“Upshot-Dating® is straightforward and heartbreak-free.” 

I am here whenever you are ready to melt the ice. 

The transformation from a Queen of Ice to a Modern Queen doesn’t happen by accident—it happens by decision, commitment, bravery and perseverance. 

Upshot-Dating® is based on the fundamental idea that, as a woman in dating, you do not need to turn outwards and hunt down a man. Instead, your job is to turn inwards, heal your heart, and let your light shine so the right man for you can find you, pursue you, and offer you your Upshot—your individually defined dating goal.

You deserve a relationship that doesn’t feel like a power struggle or a performance. You deserve to be seen, known, and cherished by a Type 3 Man who is worthy of your heart. A man who would never hurt or betray you. This is your time to go from Queen of Ice to the Queen of His Heart.

Download my Free Guide on: How to Find the Right Man in 3 Steps. 

Book a Private Consultation: 30-minute Assessment Call

Dedicated to Your Success in Love Since 2016

Anina Green | Soulmate Katalyst Ltd.

Clinical Psychologist, Certified Dating Coach, Wife, Physicist, Founder of Upshot-Dating®