Agneshka writes:
Hello Anina,
I was referred to you by a friend who recently got engaged using Upshot-Dating™.
I think I need to become one of your clients, too. Here is my situation.
I have been in a relationship with a man for two years and we have a great time together.
We love hiking and weekend getaways in the Irish countryside. And even in a regular work week, do the rounds in Howth.
We have the same sense of humour, and he is an excellent cook. We can have deep conversations, and he is a very honest, loyal, and kind man.
That is precisely what I am looking for, except when it comes to one thing—the topic of marriage.
I am Polish and Catholic, and my faith is a significant part of my life.
I want to get married, wear a white dress—not that the dress matters—and be committed to a life-long partnership until death do us part.
He, however, does not believe in marriage, thinks it is outdated and will end in divorce anyway.
We had numerous conversations about that, and I wondered how I could change his mind and make him believe in love and marriage like I do.
Maybe he is just scared and has seen too many bad examples? I do not know what else to do.
I am now 34 and want to start a family.
I took some time to move abroad and establish myself in Ireland, but now I am ready and finally want to become a mother.
What do you think?
Here is my reply to Agneshka and any woman in a similar situation:
Hello Agnehska,
Thank you for reaching out to me and taking your life into your own hands by actively seeking solutions and getting the desired outcome (upshot) you want.
You will be able to look back at this and say that you created the life you want. With children and the marriage you want.
Because you will, you are dedicated and in the right place.
Now, let us get started and sort this out.
Here is how I would walk you through this in a private session.
Your time is precious; that is why you came here.
Two years at your age is plenty of time to be in an exclusive relationship with a man. It is plenty of time to get to know each other, your values and compatibility.
And it seems you are good together and generally happy, but at an impasse when it comes to a core value: the topic of marriage.
I know this is heartbreaking, but not ignoring the problem is essential to creating the life you want.
My goal in consulting with you is that you will either accept the situation and be okay with it, or reject it and actively work to change it.
Even if that means letting this man go, so you can find another man who will marry you and believes in marriage as you do.
Choose your relationship goal over a man you are dating.
Generally, when a man doesn’t share our values or is not looking for the same thing, it does not make him a bad man. It just can mean you are not a match.
To create the life you want, you sometimes need to choose your goal and the relationship you want long term, and for the rest of your life, over a man you are currently seeing and feel attached to.
The clients who succeed share a common trait: a firm conviction in their dreams.
Or are you willing to compromise?
If you sat in front of me during the session, I would ask you this:
Can you compromise on this and spend the rest of your life with him without marriage? In a long-term, committed, happy relationship.
I feel the answer in between the lines of your letter, and it is no.
Stop working to win him. That is the man’s job.
What I see is that you are on the wrong wagon. You are trying to convince him, wondering if he is scared of marriage, trying to understand what he needs to take the next step.
You are emotionally invested in him, which is understandable, especially since he has many positive qualities and you seem like a good match.
Yet, I do not like to see you in this position.
What feels better to the woman in you?
- Trying to win him over, convince him to marry you.
or
- Be claimed by him.
The first option to me is a total turn-off, while the second feels natural and right.
Start Upshot-Dating™ instead.
This is my Signature System, and I recommend it as your first step.
Of course, you will have to tell him that you are now changing the definition of your relationship.
You have chosen to honour your desire to get officially married, so you need to start seeing other men.
Please be aware that:
In Agnehska’s case, we didn’t immediately start dating multiple men.
We took the focus off him, and she stopped trying to convince him, but both of them faced the possibility that she might have to leave him, even though she loved him.
During this period, Agnehska entirely focused on being the woman connected to her dream while staying open, warm, and loving towards him, which made him more attracted to her than ever.
Agneshka had a set of platinum-level (in-person) sessions with me in Dublin and got married the same year.
The result we got.
He proposed, chose his love for her over his fear, and even agreed to marry her in church.
Now they have their first baby on the way; he recently told her he believes in marriage and is glad they got married.