Testwifing™ is a word I made up within the context of Upshot-Dating™, my Signature System. 

Making up words and terms brings to mind my French literature teacher, Madame Beaumont: 

“Madam Green, you can not just make up words! Correcting your essays was a nightmare!” (dramatic eye roll and sigh on her part) 

“Your writing was excellent as always, but instead of an A*, you will receive only an A.” (shaking her head and throwing my paper on my desk in front of me) 

To which I replied. Looking at linguistics, are not all words made up at some point?  It is not like laws of nature; language is a man-made construct.” (I have her in front of me, not knowing what to say back) 

I feel bad looking back at this. Poor Madame, this discussion was more than she had signed up for. Needless to say, I was not (!) her favourite student 😉 and physics is my love. 

Testwifing™, as the word pun (unfortunately) intends, is a situation where a man is with you and gets the whole of you while he may still be making up his mind. 

In other words, he has gotten everything from you without having to make you his wife. 

Your exclusive commitment. Your love and attention. Your support through thick and thin. He gets to show you off and introduce you to his friends. You meet his family and participate in family functions, responsibilities and duties. Maybe you have given him children; sometimes, they even have his last name. The list goes on …

If you are being testwifed™, you are functioning as a wife without officially being one. You do everything a wife and mother does, but at the end of the day, you are not legally or officially his wife. 

To me, testwifing™ is a byproduct of modern (Western) dating. It is based on the idea that marriage is outdated and just an unnecessary piece of paper. 

It has allowed men to have all from a woman without giving all in return. Consulting women and hearing their stories has shown me first-hand what the emotional and often psychological costs of being testwifed™ are.  

In my opinion and experience as a consultant, being test-wifed™  and test-driven in this way puts you at a disadvantage.

Living together without being legally married is not the same as being married. It has financial consequences for you as a woman. Being married gives you the economic advantages that you deserve. This is especially important if you give him children.

Besides the legal and financial aspects, on an emotional level, most women I have worked with cannot see being unmarried for what it is: a boyfriend-girlfriend situation or a forever dating relationship. At some point, they will feel and see this as if it was an official marriage. Yet, the man they are emotionally married to never had to step up for them. 

Almost all women I consulted simply want to be proposed to and have a man claim them and go all the way for them. 

Please note: none of my content is to shame or blame you, but to empower you and show you what is possible for you. 

What can I do to avoid being testwifed™?

Respect yourself and set a certain standard. Not allowing men to testwife™ you is a sign of self-respect and clarity. 

When a man is faced with the decision: 

Do I want this woman enough to commit to her fully, or otherwise, I can not have her? He will not waste your time. 

When he has to choose between the fear of committing and “giving up his freedom” or the fear of losing you, he will either propose or make space for the right man who will marry you. 

I love you, 

Anina 

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