This article will help you identify if you are currently in the girlfriend trap and help you get out of it. 

Girlfriend trap, per definition:

The term girlfriend trap refers to a situation in which you, as the woman, are in a committed relationship with a man. Yet, you do not have the commitment you want from the man you are with. And because you are his girlfriend, you can not get to know other men, who potentially would give you the commitment and relationship you want. 

Here are some examples of what being in the girlfriend trap looks like. 

• You have been together for a long time, and he has had ample opportunity to get to know you. However, he is still unsure if you are the one. Or he loves you, but is not in love with you. How painful and insulting.

• Even though you have been together for a long time, there has been no proposal, no ring, and no wedding date. Things feel stuck, and you wonder what he is waiting for. This can make you feel very anxious. 

• You want marriage, but he is not ready to commit. But if he were, it would be to you. Or he doesn’t believe in marriage. He doesn’t think marriage is necessary. Something is holding him back from committing to you. There is an external factor that keeps you apart, a problem that first needs to be overcome, and only then can the two of you be together. This is nonsense. 

How does this happen?

Here are some underlying beliefs and behaviours that can lead to finding yourself in the girlfriend trap. 

You believe that waiting and proving yourself has merit and will eventually lead to being a wife and the ring. In other words, you were told and taught that being a girlfriend is the natural evolution to being proposed to and then becoming a wife. 

WRONG 

You are the pursuer in the relationship. You believe working hard for him and proving how good you are will finally win him and make him see that he wants to marry you. You have taken on the man’s role in the romantic relationship. 

EXHAUSTING, ISN’T IT? 

You buy into the story that an external obstacle keeps you and him apart. You subconsciously think you have to work hard for love and struggle. 

THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE  

Here is how you get out of the girlfriend trap in 4 simple steps. 

Step 1:  Acknowledge your desire to be more than just a girlfriend. Say that you want a ring and you want to be a wife. 

Step 2:  Commit to yourself and your dream more than any man. Work on your value so that you feel certain you are worthy of the commitment you desire. 

Step 3:  Stop pursuing, proving, and working for a man. This is the man’s role. Step back into being a woman in the world of love and romance. Let him fight to win you.

Step 4: Tell him this: 

“There is something important I need to tell you. I have understood that I want to be married, have a proposal, and be a wife.”

“This means I am now looking to change my life. I love you and being with you, but this no longer works for me.”

“I understand you’re not ready to marry me, and I respect that. But I can’t go on like that.” 

“I have decided to redefine our relationship to create the love life I want. I will start seeing other men until I have a proposal, a ring and the marriage I am looking for.” 

“I am happy to keep you in my life and see what happens.”

Attention: 

This is very daring, and it only works if you mean it and are ready for it. Otherwise, it will be empty words or perceived as threats. 

It is essential first to manage steps 1, 2, and 3. 

You also have to be ready to “lose” him or let him go over this. Many women believe that when they say this, the man will jump and say, “OK, let us get married then.” 

The purpose of saying this is not to get him, but to open your options and get the right man. The right man may turn out to be him, or an even better man will come along. 

The mindset you need to embrace:

• It is perfectly fine if a man doesn’t want to get married. 

• If marriage is what you want, you need to choose yourself and the relationship you want over him.

• He can’t have you without going all the way. 

• The right man for you will go all the way. 

• The sooner you start doing this work, the sooner the right man can find you and make you his wife. 

You can do this, 

Anina