In this article, I am sharing my own story of why and how I stopped drinking coffee, and how drinking less coffee could help you find the right man.

This article is part of a series of articles containing my very personal takes on the following topics: coffee, sugar, nutrition, exercise, sleep, and the menstrual cycle/contraception.

As the goal-orientated and focused woman you are, you may now wonder: how is her quitting coffee related to me finding the right man fast?

If I were single looking to find the right man, I know I would ask myself this exact question if my dating coach started talking about nutrition, exercise, and female cycles!

My professional focus remains entirely on consulting single women and helping them implement my signature system, Upshot-Dating®, and I would never take up your session time branching out into the above topics.

Yet, my 10 years of consulting women has taught me that making adjustments in these areas—towards more self-love, self-care, and self-compassion—has been highly beneficial to my clients and their overall health and happiness as women. This, in turn, helps them find the right man even faster.

While I always advise doing your own research—usually the go-to of my scientifically literate clients anyway—and of course consulting a qualified expert on each topic if you wish to dive deeper, I do suggest using these articles as a starting point and as an underlying enhancement to my sessions’ content.

My takes on coffee, sugar, nutrition, exercise, sleep, and the menstrual cycle/contraception are enhancers to your dating success because each time you move towards more self-love, establishing boundaries, and getting more connected to yourself, your body, and your emotions, you naturally become more feminine—which is the taching content Module 2 of Upshot-Dating® in action. 

Once you are more feminine, you will automatically mismatch with feminine men who exhaust you and effortlessly attract the masculine man you want. You are then able to establish what is called polarity—the match of masculine and feminine inside your romantic relationship.

The topics of my series: coffee, sugar, nutrition, exercise, sleep, and the menstrual cycle/contraception, are goldmines in doing so.

Here is my story of why and how I stopped drinking coffee, while providing a practical example of how your coffee intake may directly relate to your dating success path.

Coffee & moi

I was addicted to my morning espresso. Strong black Italian espresso that can make your heart race and give you anxiety.

To tell you the truth, I am almost ashamed to say that sometimes when laying in bed trying to fall asleep overly caffeinated, I hoped the night would be over soon so I could get up to have my morning coffee to give me an even stronger buzz.

In the morning, there was a “me before my espresso” and a “me after my espresso”.

I used to say jokingly to my sister, who knew not to speak to me before I had my morning coffee: “Je suis nulle sans mon café.” 

While on the surface, this seemed like a funny thing to say.

The reality of not functioning—or at least allowing myself to believe I didn’t function without caffeine—wasn’t funny at all!

This was not who I wanted to be!! 

When I realised who I had become, I quit coffee from one day to the next.

And I like myself better this way.

My wonderful mother-in-law

It was at 11 pm, after an international flight and almost 24 hours of travel. We had shared a family dinner at a restaurant, I felt tired, and ordered another espresso to keep me going. 

At the right moment, very calm and without any judgment, my mother-in-law leaned in so that only I could hear her and said to me: “What does your body really want?”

I went quiet; the wise, calm and kind way she said it made me think, and I appreciate her so much for it. Thank you, Ima! 

I still drank my coffee that night, but I never saw my drinking espresso and what it did to me, and my precious body, the same way.

My wise and wonderful mother-in-law had set something in motion. To put the love and care for my body over basically abusing myself and pushing myself to the limit.

Her love and wisdom and the previous realisation that I did not want to be an addict led to that shortly after this dinner, I decided to stop drinking coffee.

Here are the concrete benefits I have experienced going off coffee permanently:

• My energy throughout the day is more stable, and I know when I am tired.
• My sleep is deeper, and I wake up feeling refreshed, ready to go, excited about the new day, without needing coffee to hype me up.
• My mind is just as sharp, but I am more centred and calm.
• My breath is always fresh, and my teeth feel cleaner than when drinking coffee.This is very important to me as I generally do not like to use any makeup.
• My skin looks better, too.

It was no walk in the park

It took about 14 days to a month till all the withdrawal symptoms subsided and I felt back to normal, the me before being addicted to coffee.

During that time, I had headaches and joint aches, slept a lot, and was not in the best mood. Especially the mornings were rough when I wanted my coffee so badly. Also, I needed to find a substitute for the nice ritual of going to my favourite coffee shop.

Even though “hard” (still what a ludicrous problem to have—how lucky am I that this is what I struggle with), it was 100% worth it and I am proud of myself for making it through.

Finally, how does my quitting coffee relate to Upshot-Dating® and you finding the right man?

I help my clients become the Modern Queen version of themselves.

The Modern Queen is the powerful, alive, free, happy and well-rested woman you were always meant to be.

This woman effortlessly attracts the right man; it’s like clockwork.

Consuming caffeine in amounts that are too much for your body, burning yourself out by running on borrowed energy, flies in the face of all of the above.

In my 10 years of coaching women and having them share the most private aspects of their lives with me, I came to the conclusion that (too much) coffee is not good for women and the female nervous system.

Practical Dating Example: With vs. Without Caffeine

The Caffeine-Fueled Woman on a Date: She operates in Warrior-Woman-Mode™. She is hyper-alert, talkative, over-functioning, and directing the conversation like a business meeting. Her nervous system is jacked up on adrenaline, meaning she completely misses subtle red flags and ignores her body’s natural boundaries because she cannot feel them. She pushes rather than receives.

The Decaffeinated Modern Queen on a Date: My Brand Archetype sits in calm, magnetised, feminine presence. Her nervous system is grounded, allowing her to lean back and let the man pursue and lead. Because she is deeply connected to her own body, her intuition is sharp; she feels immediately if a man’s energy is off or if he mismatches with her standards. She doesn’t need to over-intellectualise the date because her calm body does the vetting for her.

Find your own dose and path

When I stopped, I went from one extreme to the other, from too much coffee to none, from one day to the next. Extreme is how I usually do things once I have decided; it feels best, most alive, free and like myself. I have always been this way.

Of course, there are different, more moderate ways to do this. You may want to just drink less coffee, or drink it at different times of day. As always, I encourage every woman to find her own way and trust herself. What works for one woman may not work for the next.

Conclusion:

I am not promoting zero caffeine, and I am not an expert on nutrition. I am an expert for helping women get back to their feminine so they effortlessly be a match to a masculine man who will do all the wooing and pursuing. 

For him to have this space and be able to be the man you want him to be, you need to get back into allowing yourself to be the woman who is a feminine receiver.

Many times cutting down on caffeine, which makes you run on borrowed energy, ignore or not feel your boundaries and limits, gets in the way of that. This is why and how this article is relevant for dating and finding the right man.

If this inspired you to kiss coffee goodbye as I did, or to minimise your caffeine intake, then here are the two journaling prompts I used.

Sitting in my car, sipping my last takeaway coffee through a straw of course to protect the whiteness of my teeth (my husband used to laugh about that, but hey we know such things are important), I wrote in my notebook.

Step 1: Why did I decide to stop drinking coffee?

Here I wrote a list of all the reasons for and the expected benefits of a coffee-free life.

This came in especially handy during the first days of hard coffeeless mornings.

I concluded the list with the sentence “Bye-bye coffee, I don’t need you anymore”.

Step 2: What could get in the way of this, and what will I do about it?

Funny enough, for me, this was the beautiful little espresso cups my mother gave me, and I was missing the ritual of using them.

I decided to use the tiny one for my supplements (in the image you can see supplement for Vit. D and fishoil) and the clover cup for drinking warm tea and broth; to me, this symbolises how I am now taking better care of myself.