In this article, I am introducing Upshot-Dating®, my Signature System, through three essential lenses:
- The Perfect Fusion: How Upshot-Dating® is the very best of East and West, modern and traditional, and the spiritual and the scientific.
- The Strategic Contrast: Comparing my proven dating technique to conventional dating, which highlights conventional dating’s drawbacks and pitfalls.
- The Feminist Inquiry: Answering whether my system, as such, my very personal consultation approach, and my brand as a whole are feminist.
This final point is the first question I would expect any modern, intelligent woman to pose—rightfully so. I am happy to confidently oblige.
Important: Please always read this introduction to Upshot-Dating®in conjunction with my companion piece: 3 Things Upshot-Dating® Is NOT: The Protective Shield Article to My High-Class Brand
The next question I would ask if I were you:
“Who is Anina Green, and how is she different from the next self-proclaimed dating ‘expert’ or TikToker? How can I trust that Anina Green is not just another coach, but actually qualified to advise me on my love life?”
This is the exact thought process I expect from any responsible woman who is serious about finding the right man and intentional with her time online.
In other words, I welcome your scepticism because I only work with intelligent women.
Here are the three pillars Upshot-Dating® and I—as the Founder of my system and consultant for the Modern Queen—stand on:
1. Formal Education
I hold a BSc in Clinical Psychology, with counselling training, from Europe’s top university for Clinical Psychology. I also hold an excellent coaching certification from a leading U.S. coach. Previously, I worked as a researcher and lecturer at a University for Physics and Mathematics, and I am fluent in several languages.
My approach to dating isn’t based on “vibes” or pseudo-science—many of my clients are scientists themselves and appreciate my logical approach, especially when it comes to concepts of self-development. My consulting system is the perfect combination of structure, systems, process analysis, and goal setting—hence: Upshot-Dating®. I provide individually tailored tools with a very client-centred approach, inspired by Carl C. Rogers.
2. Real-Life Experience & A Strong Intuition
Everything I consult is based on personal experience and self-mastery first. I am my own first success story. I met and married my husband within nine months using the same dating system I consult today. Back then, I followed the exact same steps I now teach my clients in three modules: Mindset, Self-Love, and Upshot-Dating®. I know the emotional landscape of being a single woman who wants to find the right man, because I have walked that path myself.
Having lived all over the world, I was brought up and educated in Europe, the UK, Switzerland, and the Middle East. I have modelled, run marathons, lived in Asia, South America, and Eastern Europe, and travelled—often solo—to almost every country in the world. I have seen how dating cultures differ and where they fail. I have combined the traditional wisdom of the East with the empowered autonomy of the West, tossed the rest aside, and created the perfect “Fusion”.
My intuition and ability to read people, developed through my life experience and age, serve as an additional gift in consulting with women that I would not want to miss. The client-coach relationship has to be one of trust and deep connection, so the client feels safe and seen, enabling her to transform.
3. Consistent Client Results
I consider results to be the most important marker of qualification in my industry. Since 2016, Upshot-Dating® has been successfully replicated by women worldwide. My work works if you do your part and commit to it.
Click here to read my constantly growing list of testimonials.
To the intelligent, modern women—the Modern Queens out there—who are looking to find the right man: As you can see, Upshot-Dating® is backed by more than just an opinion. You can rest assured that you are in safe hands.
I understand this is controversial, but I would only pay someone who has all three: Formal Education and Training, Real-Life Experience, and Replicated Results. This is what I call the “Triple Credential.”
However, if I had to choose among the three pillars, prioritising one over the others, it would be the third. Results, as the bare minimum, of a working system.
Here is why I think any of the three credentials as stand-alone credentials is not enough.
A formal education alone is not enough because, from someone who has gone through a formal education process—clinical psychology—with a university degree, I have seen firsthand that having a high score at university in the theoretical knowledge does not in any way equip a student, especially at a young age, to give real-life advice.
Why else are there so many love experts, marriage counsellors, therapists, etc., who do not have the romantic life you would want? As they say, only take advice from a person whose place you would want to trade with.
Yet, having found the right man and having done it yourself does not qualify as a standalone credential either.
While it is definitely better to stay around happily married women rather than bitter, jaded, unhappy women who hate men, being newly engaged or married for a while does not make you an expert or qualify you to give advice, either. Even though done daily on social media.
There is a difference between your own story and providing a replicable, structured system based on solid steps that another woman can successfully apply.
My argument for the triple credential necessity and the lack of it is the reason coaching has gotten such a bad reputation. Anyone with no or only one of the above credentials can open a social media account and call themselves a coach and expert. Obviously, it takes more than that.
1. Upshot-Dating®: A Perfect Fusion
Nothing is perfect—except Upshot-Dating®.
When looking closely at the opposing approaches to dating—East versus West, modern versus traditional, scientific versus spiritual—it is evident that each brings its own pros and cons.
A one-sided approach and too many heavy cons limit a woman’s opportunities to find true love and the right man.
Upshot-Dating® is different. It has only pros.
Because of my background and experience, I am able to take the very best of the East and the West, modern and traditional, spiritual and scientific, and toss all that does not work in a woman’s favour and adjust it to the individual woman I work with.
While most dating advice is heavy on one of these aspects, East or West, modern or traditional, spiritual or scientific, and limited by its cons. I can not think of a more intelligent and evolved approach to dating than Upshot-Dating®, my selective fusion approach.
As a classical Third Culture Kid, a scientist (Physicist) who believes in G-d—not a contradiction to me—and a woman who values traditions yet remains a free spirit with an innovative mind, the fusion approach came naturally to me.
Here are concrete examples of what the fusion approach looks like inside Upshot-Dating®:
Taken from the modern Western world: No one but the woman herself gets to decide whether she wants to get married or have children. While the service I provide takes the client from single to engaged to be married, I by no means think a woman has to get married to be considered complete. On the contrary, for the modern woman, getting married and allowing a man into her already amazing life should only add to her quality of life. My clients do not need to get married because of social pressure or financial reasons; they want to marry for a romantic experience with a man who treats them well.
Taken from the Eastern, more traditional approach: Date with a clear goal in mind. Your previously defined upshot, hence the name Upshot-Dating®. No testwifing™ allowed, and marriage is more than just a piece of paper.
- Read here: What is Testwifing™
- Read here: Marriage is just a piece of paper. Really?
The scientific angle: As a clinical psychologist, I am familiar with statistics and research, and I keep up with current trends in the field. Of course, I can quickly debunk pseudoscientific approaches, which, unfortunately, are omnipresent in the dating coaching world.
Besides being scientifically literate herself and highly appreciative of my background, the woman I work with is also a deep thinker, with a sensitive heart, a beautiful soul, and a strong moral compass.
The spiritual aspect needs to be included to fully capture this woman. This woman asks deep questions, and because of her kind, reflective nature, a more spiritual angle is often needed to address certain topics as she finds the right man. Whether this happens in the framework of a defined religion (I currently have Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Baha’i, and Sikh clients), a more out-of-the-box angle, or the atheist and agnostic way to see the world. With a client-centred approach (inspired by Carl R. Rogers), I can adapt Upshot-Dating® to my individual client’s background, and we can successfully address deeper philosophical questions if they arise. I always enjoy learning more about religions, cultures, and traditions, and I find it very interesting when these amazing women share their worldview and experiences with me.
The above examples of the fusion approach in action are low-resolution. Of course, in private 1-to-1 sessions, the resolution is higher, and it gets much more detailed, personal, and individually tailored to the client sitting in front of me.
2. Upshot-Dating® versus conventional dating.
Said in advance, Upshot-Dating® is by far superior to conventional dating.
Through conventional dating, women make two major mistakes.
First, they have no upshot defined. Which is crucial in my system before the client even sets foot into the dating scene.
Secondly, women who follow the conventional way to date do so in a linear fashion. Which cost them precious (sometimes the childbearing) years of their life.
Please note: none of the information provided on my platforms is to shame or blame women. On the contrary, this shows what is possible when you apply my systems.
What happens if you do not have your upshot defined, mistake no 1?
Outcome-Oriented: The Upshot
In Upshot-Dating®, we start by defining your goal—your Upshot. Whether that is marriage, a committed lifelong partnership, or a family, we then reverse-engineer the steps to get there.
- Reverse-engineering means: What must I do, stop doing, and update regarding my mindset and self-love to achieve this goal?
Your Upshot is your North Star in dating. As we define it, we identify a clear path from A to B—from being single to the commitment you desire.
Staying on track: Once in the dating world, you will be able to evaluate whether your actions are on track or off track towards your goal. This is the polar opposite of conventional dating, which is often just “seeing what happens”.
The Aimless Arrow
To me, conventional dating is like shooting an arrow at a blank board, then walking up to it and drawing a bullseye around wherever the arrow hits. Because the woman is already attached, she convinces herself that this man was the goal—even when the relationship is painful or stagnant.
To me, it is often hard to watch how, by being in this disempowered state, a wonderful, smart, intelligent, capable, educated, and kind woman is reduced to an anxious shadow of who she could be if she felt safe and certain in a man’s love. This observation does not call women weak; instead, it values women’s hearts and their ability to love and bond.
The 4-Field Matrix
Upshot-Dating® defines the mark first. We use a 4-Field Matrix to navigate the dating pool:
- Decent Men / Not Decent Men.
- Matches / Non-Matches.
A man can be decent but not your match. Perhaps you both want marriage, but your values on children or faith do not align. This does not make him a bad man, but it makes him a “Non-Match.” In conventional dating, you leave this to luck. In Upshot-Dating®, you use strategy. I don’t see how any intelligent woman would leave her future to chance once she understands this concept.
When you Upshot-Date, you only “date-shoot” (not literally, of course, please) in one of the four fields: The Decent Man / A Match field. That is the only dating pool you are allowed to meddle in.
In other words, or in reverse: the worst you can do is date men who are not your match and fail to understand whether they are decent men or not.
Recommended reading: The 3 Types of Men: A Guide to Ending Dating Drama
This worst-case dating pool—men who are neither decent nor your match—can result in the feeling that love is not for you, or that all the “good men” are taken.
If this is you, I feel for you. But this can end right now because I am here to help. While I agree that it is definitely better to remain single than to be in a bad relationship or a frustrating dating situation. I want to convey to you that it is better still to be happy in love than to be single.
Remember: initially, before the bad experiences in the wrong dating pool had piled up and weighed you down, you wanted love and to find the right man. You can still have that, regardless of your past.
Remember when you were “young”, as in before you got hurt, when your heart had not been broken yet, but remained untouched, when you still believed in love.
We can get you back to a place where you can love, trust, and bond, and we will turn your past experiences into wisdom to help you choose the right man.
Mitake no 2: What happens if you date linearly instead of following the multiple-suitor model?
Upshot-Dating® is 100% more efficient than linear dating.
Seeing several men simultaneously saves time. Seeing several men does not mean sleeping with them.
Read here: 3 Things Upshot-Dating® Is NOT: The Protective Shield Article to My High-Class Brand
Linear dating looks like this: you get into a committed relationship—not the ultimate commitment you want—and you do that because you think closing down your options and committing to one man is the way to test if you are a match.
You then play house and get very invested in the man and the relationship, treating it as marriage when it isn’t.
After a while, often many years, the two of you break up. Either because he is not ready to marry you, won’t move the relationship forward to the commitment you want, doesn’t want children, or hasn’t found out if you are even the one…
It is not uncommon for the man, who was not ready or able to commit to you in the way you wanted him to, to go off and marry another woman within a few months.
After the break-up, you need to take time out from dating to recover and “work on yourself”. This often adds another couple of years wasted. Till you finally go back to square one, get into a committed relationship without having the full commitment you want, and start another round of testwifing™.
Watching women linear date makes me want to pull out my hair!
Here are the severe costs of linear dating for women.
Each round of linear dating, including the breaks in between, and testwifing™ cost women precious (sometimes the childbearing) years of their lives and another piece of their hearts.
If you think about it, linear dating does not make sense. Why commit for several years in order to find out if you are a match? Why close off your options with a man who has not fully committed to you?
The emotional capacity to bond, trust, invest, and love takes work to restore. Not impossible to reverse, but not easy without the right support and guidance. That is why, very often, if a woman finds the right man after years of trial and error, it may not work out, because she has not healed her heart from the failed relationships of her past.
By following the multiple suitor approach, the traditional way for a woman to date, and keeping your options open until you have the commitment offer you want, your upshot. You have actively prevented a man from testwifing™ you and saved yourself from stepping into the girlfriend trap.
Read here: What is testwifing™
Read here: What is the Girlfriend Trap?
And absolutely, yes: you should approach dating, love, and finding the right man strategically.
After all, at the end of the day—at the end of your life (forgive my bluntness)—the love you shared will be the most important thing to look back upon. I want you to use the same skills and determination you put into building your career, managing your finances, and keeping fit to find the right man.
In the same way that you seek advice for your career, create financial plans, and hire a trainer at the gym, hire support to manage your love life.
This is not therapy—far from it. This is a luxurious service that, unfortunately, not every woman has access to. Our grandmothers had to put up with whatever situation they were married into. But today, in the age of the internet and with the financial resources my successful clients possess, there is no excuse for not taking your (love) life into your own hands.
You are a powerful, modern woman who gets to create the life she wants. My work is dedicated to all my female ancestors, on whose shoulders I stand. Do this for the women before you; break the lineage of “settling,” and by your own example, elevate the women who come after you and inspire other women to see what is possible for them too.
3. Is my Brand and Upshot-Dating® Feminist?
If you asked me this question in person: “Anina, is your coaching feminist?” I would (not purposely trying to be Jewish) answer back by asking a question: “How do you define feminism?” Based on your answer, I will be able to tell you yes or no.
In writing, I will answer this question by introducing the Modern Queen—my Brand Archetype—and leave it to you to decide whether you consider my work and brand feminist and if we are compatible as client and coach.
The Modern Queen is, in short, the best version of yourself. She is the modern woman who lives life on her own terms to the fullest, and who can have it all:
- Love & Success
- Intelligence & Heart
- Spirituality & Looks
To her, the above are not contradictions; they are complements.
Read the full article introducing my Brand Archetype here: What is a Modern Queen?
To me, my brand and the entire Modern Queen Lifestyle are lived feminism. I have referred to Upshot-Dating® as the twin sister of feminism. My opinion is based on my own understanding of feminism, but I am happy to agree to disagree with you on that in true sisterly spirit.
If, based on your definition of feminism, I and my system are not considered feminist, I won’t argue the point. I am not here to drift into a debate about what counts as “feminist” and what does not. There are other people out there doing that for me. In short, let us agree to disagree.
I included this section to make it possible for the right client to find me and entrust herself to my support. As a side effect, the “wrong” client—not a bad person, just not my match (the same principle as in the 4-field matrix on men)—can move on and find a coach who is right for her.
What About Men?
Having defined the Modern Queen, the logical question is: What about men? After all, my whole business model is about finding the right man.
I do not like to use the term “high-quality men” as it is commonly used in the dating industry. To me, the term “high-quality” men suggests that there are also “low-quality” men. Referring to another human being as “low quality” does not sit right with me. It brings back the worst chapters of human history. (…) Instead, I refer to the type of men we are looking for and their behaviour as decent men and masculine men (isn’t that what we all love as women?). I call this man the Type 3 man.
Read here: The 3 Types of Men: A Guide to Ending Dating Drama
For the Modern Queen, men and women are equal in rights and value—but different in ways that make them complementary and create romantic polarity. The term I like to think of here is همسر (Hamsar), the Persian word for spouse, which literally means “equal head” or “better half.” These are the perks of being a polyglot.
In the same vein, men and women aren’t supposed to struggle and fight each other. My system helps you build a sacred union with the right man for you. Or, in more down-to-earth terms: a happy, healthy romantic relationship.
Very personally, the concept of soulmates resonates with me. In my faith, we believe that soulmates are made in heaven, parted as a man and a woman, and reunited on earth. It is my absolute privilege to be the Katalyst for such. This is exactly where my company name, Soulmate Katalyst Ltd., stems from.
Whether you believe in soulmates—Bashert—as I do, or, in simpler terms, just want to find the right man, my system helps you build that bridge of true love between you and him. It enables you to open all doors, shine your light, and be your true magnetic self so the right man for you can find you.
Summary
Upshot-Dating® is the most evolved way for any woman to date.
Upshot-Dating® takes into account everything modern science knows about women, men, and love, but does not leave you lost or confused about what it means to be a woman and feel good and enjoy romance.
Upshot-Dating® is compatible with Feminism, as it is highly self-determined and can be tailored to you, while taking into account that romantic relationships differ from friendships, family, and work relationships.
Upshot-Dating® acknowledges that there is a fundamental difference between men and women, not in their value as human beings or their intellectual capacity, but rooted in biological facts. These differences make men and women complement each other, creating romantic polarity and attachment. Hence, they are not only acknowledged but appreciated.
Upshot-Dating® is superior to conventional dating, as it effectively prevents you from being testwifed™ and protects you from stepping into the Girlfriend trap.
Upshot-Dating® is the most self-valuing way a modern woman can date. My clients draw healthy boundaries around their hearts, bodies, time, and emotional investment, as women should be encouraged to do.
Upshot-Dating® is self-determined. My clients are the only ones in charge of their decision regarding who they marry and on what terms. A fundamental pillar of my consulting system is to train my clients to make conscious, informed, and self-determined choices based on what is true for them individually.
Upshot-Dating® is outcome-oriented. Upshot-Dating® starts by defining your dating goal and reverse-engineering the steps there before you even set foot into the dating world.
Upshot-Dating® gives you a clear path from A to B, and by that helps you stay on track towards your upshot.
Upshot-Dating® can mean, but does not have to mean, dating several men at the same time. This depends on your individual situation. Dating several men, the multiple suitor approach (without sleeping with them), is the traditional time-saving way to see who is a fit for you.
Upshot-Dating® values your heart and helps you avoid committing to the wrong man.
Upshot-Dating® can be customised easily to a woman’s individual situation and background, and works well for any woman who wants to find the right man and true love. My clients are women from all walks of life and age groups. What these women have in common is that they value themselves enough to date in an empowered way and won’t settle for anything less than the love life of their dreams.
My entire Signature System is packed into three comprehensive core modules: Mindset, Self-love, and Dating Skills.
The three core modules of Upshot-Dating®—Mindset, Self-Love, and Dating Skills—can be accessed at three different investment levels for you to choose from:
Bronze Level: Download my free guide and start the Upshot-Dating® email course.
Silver Level: Buy a self-study program in my boutique.
Gold Level: Book a 30-minute Assessment Call
A Note on Brand Integrity
While this article establishes the Moat to my system—the depth, logic, and authority that sets Upshot-Dating® apart—please always read this introduction in conjunction with my two vital “Protective” pieces:
- The Shield: 3 Things Upshot-Dating® Is NOT: The Protective Shield Article to My High-Class Brand
- The Ethics: Why Upshot-Dating® Is Not Cheating: How the Modern Queen Dates Multiple Men
Dedicated to Your Success in Love Since 2016
Anina Green | Soulmate Katalyst Ltd.
Clinical Psychologist, Certified Dating Coach, Wife, Physicist, Founder of Upshot-Dating®